I’m Fifty (For my brother Harry)

I’m Fifty     (for my brother Harry)

I just turned fifty and it’s giving me the sh**ts
I never thought I’d see it; always thought that I’d be fit
But one day down in the gym while making myself buff
I dropped the bloody barbell and recovery’s been rough
I couldn’t play my tennis and for months I felt quite sad
I couldn’t ride my pushbike through the forest like I had
And fast approaching fifty is a place that most men dread
So planned a trip to England to the motherland instead
With a list of things I love to do  I ticked them one by one
Land’s End, a backwards clock and a day at Wimbledon
I took a photo at the Beatles crossroad there at Abbey Road
But I never bought a souvenir ’cause you know I hate a load
Well, I made it down to Gravesend but I didn’t stay too long
‘Cause the cops were serving warrants and they said “Now, move along!”
So I hopped across the channel to visit France and gay Parie’
Then raced a Ferrari across Dubai in my Ray Bans speedily
But if I should die before my time just throw me from the bridge
At Tharwa near the crossing there take a Crownie from my fridge
Don’t forget my last request from me with you before I go
Ensure that you cremate me first before you make that final throw