Christmas…the very sound of the word, it fills my heart with fear
Although it comes around the same day, December twenty-fifth, every year
You’d think the sky is falling or that the world had come to an end
It’s the time of year when grocery shopping can send you completely ‘round the bend

For although the shops are going to shut for only but a day
The scrum for loaves of bread and milk put football games to shame
I’ve seen one lady get knocked out, another loose an eye
As she made that horror, fateful leap to reach the last mince pie

And Christmas just gets earlier; it’s coming ’round way too soon
Surely it must be illegal to erect Christmas trees in June?
For Christmas is the day we should celebrate our dear Christ Jesus’ birth
Not some middle aged beared man’s commercialised expanding girth

 And I’ve never really understood why Christmas visions show
Reindeer standing ankle deep in drifts of pure white snow
For Christmas here from where I stand is forty three degrees
And only frosting I will see will be in my deep freeze

 And Mums’ and dads with screaming kids please stay at home I pray
To buy Christmas vouchers while on-line and your presents on eBay

But hurry!
Let’s clear those shelves at Boxing Day sales to make room for the new display
Of Easter eggs and hot cross buns just in time for……..Australia Day!